Domestic Violence


Snipped from a Michael Patterson message, Aug 97:


It is time to practice cooperation, respect and love in all areas. My

husband and I took a class in "building equality" in relationships. Our

instructor, Bill Moyer, explained to us that in his work with men who had

been violent towards their wives, he had discovered that only 3% of the

violence was physical, 45% was verbal and the rest was psychological. The

difference between most people and violent guys was that 3% area. He

discovered that the men always felt that they were the victims when they

attacked their spouses- because their wives had threatened their self-image

or their worldview. (This applies to government behavior, as well.) We are

conditioned by society to "win" arguments, to "dominate," to have the last

word, to have our opinions prevail. We are not generally taught that our

perception of ourselves is not dependent upon other people=92s opinions or

that if we actively listen to, and respect one another, we will learn from

one another. We generally unconsciously start debating and defending our

views, controlling and dominating others. The class helped my husband and I

become aware of the way we communicated with each other as well as our

interactions within different groups, but where I really felt the

difference was in my relationship with my children. It is so easy to adopt

"control" mode with 3 little boys who want to go off in 3 different

directions. It is a daily challenge for me to transform myself, to listen,

to develop cooperative patterns within my home. Now I realize that they are

my teachers, and our lifelong learning adventure is a cooperative one.


[Don't know the authoress, who wrote for the Alternative Earth Summit]


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